If I only wanted one drink, I'd go for communion
In life, as in sports, the boos always comes from the cheap seats.
Before people are allowed to opine about Syria, they should have to locate it on a map.
It's bad stupidity isn't painful
Now that 'twerking' and 'selfie' are in the dictionary, I really don't give a shit how we leave the planet for our kids.
Vegetarian is an ancient derogatory term for an idiot who could not fish or hunt.
Most people wouldn't even be the main character in a movie about their own lives.
The iPhone 5S is a great way for NSA to build a fingerprint database.
If people in the 1980s took a Polaroid of their dinner to show their friends, they'd get locked up.
#1: You're not on Facebook? All your high school friends probably assume you're dead. #2: Nah, I'm sure they've googled me.
Boozy weekend brunches are my reminder not to have kids yet.
Only idiots get bored when we've all got handheld devices containing infinite knowledge at our fingertips.
People are overly focussed on race, when class is much more important.
Never date a girld with a Coach handbag, unless you drive a BMW hatchback. In which case, you're perfect for each other.
If judging people on first impressions were an Olympic sport, they'd suspect me of using steroids.
People expect far too much from their coffee. Wake up. Cheer up. Get shit done... by yourself.
In life, as in sports, the boos always comes from the cheap seats.
Before people are allowed to opine about Syria, they should have to locate it on a map.
It's bad stupidity isn't painful
Now that 'twerking' and 'selfie' are in the dictionary, I really don't give a shit how we leave the planet for our kids.
Vegetarian is an ancient derogatory term for an idiot who could not fish or hunt.
Most people wouldn't even be the main character in a movie about their own lives.
The iPhone 5S is a great way for NSA to build a fingerprint database.
If people in the 1980s took a Polaroid of their dinner to show their friends, they'd get locked up.
#1: You're not on Facebook? All your high school friends probably assume you're dead. #2: Nah, I'm sure they've googled me.
Boozy weekend brunches are my reminder not to have kids yet.
Only idiots get bored when we've all got handheld devices containing infinite knowledge at our fingertips.
People are overly focussed on race, when class is much more important.
Never date a girld with a Coach handbag, unless you drive a BMW hatchback. In which case, you're perfect for each other.
If judging people on first impressions were an Olympic sport, they'd suspect me of using steroids.
People expect far too much from their coffee. Wake up. Cheer up. Get shit done... by yourself.
